can you, would you, should you

I have found the perfect way to say NO.  Whenever someone asks me to do something and I don’t want to, I can say no, but I always feel pressured into giving a reason and blurt out something stupid like “Oh I would really like to, but I am helping to parcel grass clippings for the sacred cows in India that night. You've heard about the drought in India haven’t you?” They know I am lying and I know I am lying. It works, but  it tarnishes my cool woman image. Stuttering and blubbering like an idiot does that to one I fear. HOWEVER, I have the solution, Holmes. Now when they ask “Can you donate blood today as my sister is having open heart surgery and only your blood is a match” I turn to them and looking stricken I reply “Alas I can not do that” and exit as smoothly and as fast as possible, or if cornered I  rustle paper and look busy. End of story. No false alibi. I have practiced my best stricken look in the bathroom mirror for a good 7 minutes so have it down pretty well now. I only look ever so slightly as though someone has just popped a stick up my bottom and is waving me about like a sausage on a stick, now. They are so taken aback by the drama of it all and the Shakespearian tone of my words, that they just sort of wander away, mumbling “she said alas, did she really say alas? Who says alas these days?” Less is more, give up fake alibis.

 [except I would give blood. If  I was the only match and you needed blood, I would. A pint, maybe two. After that you are on your own. Make do.]